


My Dear Melancholy

by Yram_78



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-17 03:56:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14180043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yram_78/pseuds/Yram_78
Summary: When Alec breaks off his relationship with Magnus on his parents orders, he does so without calling or texting Magnus to tell him. Leaving Magnus, confused and angry. This is Magnus's point-of-view and how he handles the situation.Based off The Weeknd's new album "My Dear Melancholy."Summary is crappy I know.





	My Dear Melancholy

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s a really angsty Malec fanfic for you guys. Last episode was AMAZING and fluffy but I’m an angst whore, post-breakup, and The Weeknd’s new album got me fucked. So here goes, inspires by a true story.  
> I might do one chapter per song on "My Dear Melancholy," because I’m hella hurting and this album is giving me an outlet for all my ideas and feelings.  
> Tell me what you think and if any improvements can be made!

Chapter One: Privilege

“What do you mean he said it’s not in his hands?” Magnus shouts out, pacing the length of his loft and running his hands through his hair. He had known that Alec’s parents were not very supportive of their relationship but after 2 months of being together, of knowing each other, Magnus expected more of a fight for what they had. Maybe Alec hadn’t fell in love with Magnus but Magnus knows he loves Alec and was well on his way to being _in_ love with him. The way Alec was with him, his personality, his smile, his honestly, Magnus thought they were meant to last because he had never felt the way he does, _did,_ with Alec. No one made him laugh as hard, no one made him upset like he did, no one comforted him like he did. And for Alec to throw it all alway…

To think they were going so well.

Jace stands by the door, arms crossed and gaze down. He looks stiff, his face is unreadable but you can see the underlying disappointment in his features. “Our parents forbid him to talk to you and said that he can no longer see you. That’s why he didn’t call you back.”

Magnus give him an exasperated look, “Jace, don’t give me that bullshit! He’s a grown man who can make decisions on his own! If he really cares about what we had he would fight for me, for us. But maybe I was the only one who-“ He cuts himself off, jaw clenched. He doesn’t want Jace reporting back to Alec what he feels or how he’s taking the situation. He has to stay strong, no matter how much it kills him on the inside.

But Jace seems to know where Magnus was headed, “He’s taking it really hard, Magnus. He won’t eat, won’t sleep, won’t talk to anyone. He’s like a ghost living in my brother’s body.”

Magnus is at a loss for words. He knows he can’t do or say anything to fix the situation. There is nothing on his end _to_ fix. Magnus gave Alec his all, and if he wasn’t willing to do the same for him than there really is nothing he could do. However, Magnus will not explain what he is feeling to Jace of all people. Who was supportive of their relationship at the start but can only seem to defend his brother at the moment.

So, Magnus crosses his arms, shielding and holding himself together at the same time. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” Magnus states coldly with narrow eyes. “If he isn’t willing to fight for me than there is nothing i can do. If he is taking it so hard then he should stand up to his parents. There is nothing I can do for him.”

Jace shifts on his feet, still unable to meet his gaze. “I know, Magnus. I’m so sorry. He’s always been the dutiful son. He raised us more than Maryse and Robert put together and even though I know he is making a mistake there is nothing I can do to change his stance on this. I just wanted to come here to-“

“To tell me it was over because your brother is not man enough to come here and tell me himself. Not man enough to tell me good-bye!” The warlock is trembling, his anger overcoming him in a way that has not happened before. There has been times where his heart has been so broken that he can’t recognize himself through the pain and suffering, but never like this. The pain radiating from his chest is hot and unyielding. He thought that Alec was the one, he thought that he was forever. Alec had made himself a place in Magnus’s life, in his heart, and for him to just throw it away the minute mommy and daddy tell him no, makes Magnus’s blood boil. This is what he gets for trusting so fast, for loving so hard. It always ends like this for him. His heart had been under lock and key until Alec showed up with his beautiful personality and kind soul. He had treated Magnus so right, made Magnus _feel_ so right. And now....

Now Magnus feels anger so hot that it burns his chest, anxiety so suffocating that he can barely breathe. He is close to a breakdown and Jace needs to leave. Now.

“Get out.” Magnus snaps, he feels the angry tears building behind his eyes, the choking feeling at the base of his throat.

“Magnus, -“ Jace is still trying to look indifferent, but Magnus knows cares when he takes a step forward to approach him before Magnus cuts him off with a wave of his hand and an icy slice of his glare.

“I said, ‘get out!’ You’ve delivered your message, there is no more ‘Magnus and Alec.’ It’s fine, whatever.” Magnus strides to Jace, his pointer finger digging in the blonde’s chest as he finally meets his gaze. “But don’t you ever comeback and ask for favors. As far as I’m concerned, Alec Lightwood is irrelevant to me, just as irrelevant as the rest of you Shadowhunters. So leave before i do something that i promise you i won’t regret but will get me in trouble with the Clave.”

Jace lowers his gaze, jaw clenched as he turns away from Magnus and walks out the door.

And with the final click of the lock, Magnus breaks.

......

And I’ma fuck the pain away and I know I’ll be okay

They said our love was a game, I don’t care what they say

But I’ma drink the pain away, I’ll be back to my old ways

And I got two red pills to take the blues away, oh

......

After the sobbing and initial pain is over and done with, Magnus resorts back to his old ways.

Partying too hard, drinking too much, fucking around too much, but it makes him feel something and not just numb and empty. He feels worn out mentally and physically but he will no show anyone when he’s hurting. When he’s weak.

It doesn’t make it better that everyone updates him on Alec. _“You should have seen him, Magnus. All torn up and lost. Like he’s lost his light.”_ From Catarina. _“Magnus, it’s like the life has been sucked out of him. All he does is mope around. He isn’t Alec.”_ From Sherman. _“Magnus, that idiot finally understands that losing you was his biggest mistake and all he does is make everyone feel sorry for him. Serves him right. You never know how good you have it until it’s gone.”_ From Raphael.

It just seems to frustrate Magnus even more. If Alec is so affected, why didn’t he pick up the phone and call him? Why didn’t he try to text him? Why didn’t he try to _fix it_?

It makes Magnus angry all over again and he know he can’t afford to stay like this.

Magnus knows it’s unhealthy for him to have anger crash over him like a raging wave every time he hears Alec’s name. He need to move on, needs to find himself again.

 _I thought I was found when I met Alexander_ , his mind supplies sadly. But Magnus is not having any of that, not tonight. There is a fairy woman giving him a suductive look from across the room and he’s going for it. Nothing holding him backs and he needs to forget. About everything Alec did to get him so deep under Magnus’s skin, to engrave him in his heart.

With that thought, Magnus throws back his shot and makes his way to the dance floor.

.......

And I don’t want to hear that you were suffering

You were suffering, no more

Because I held you down when you were suffering

You were suffering

.......

The sunlight through the curtains blinds Magnus, not helping with the raging hangover he is currently struggling with. He groans, trying to bury himself under the covers where he stays until lack of oxygen brings him back up.

No matter how much he seems to drink, the pain radiating from his heart will not fade. It only dampens temporarily before something happens to remind him of Alec. Of what was ripped from his grasp, from his chest.

The stinging of his eyes makes Magnus rub them violently. When will he stop crying about it? When will he be indifferent? When will Alec’s name not feel like his heart is being ripped from his chest? When will Magnus stop being angry? When will he forgive Alec? _Will_ he ever forgive Alec?

The onslaught of questions just hike up Magnus’s anxiety. He wants to stop thinking for a while. To just escape. However, being the High Warlock gives him no time.

So, Magnus lays back in bed. Shutting the blinds with a wave of his hand, enveloping himself in darkness.


End file.
